When I was a kid, I had many fears some of which remain to this day. Growing up my way to cope with my fears was to get CREATIVE. I use creative here as a nice term for worrying and overthinking things. In elementary school, I remember hearing about a boy a few years older than me who disappeared. His name was Jacob Wetterling. I remember seeing his posters in our school hallway and being reminded of the danger of strangers. Before the time of GPS, before the time of cell phones… as a kid I was able to run free in my neighborhood. In that moment of seeing these posters, I remember feeling FEAR and this wasn’t the first time….

My first experience with grief was somewhat different. I was maybe four or five years old and I vividly recall running around in a basement with other children surrounded by adults. Some of the adults were crying and most were just talking. Although I was completely confused in the moment, I also remained carefree. Not too long after that I had my first experience with the loss of my grandfather. It marked my first experience with a close loss. His death was sudden and again I can recall this feeling of confusion. This time, however, the confusion was also met with fear and unending questions. As I got older, it seemed my confusion and fear surrounding grief morphed into an overwhelming fear of death or the unknown. This was most likely due to the fact; my family experienced a death or loss every few years. To me grief and loss had become a part of life and that’s the way it has remained.

It has taken a long time and been quite a journey, but I finally realized something. I realized grief and I can coexist. I don’t have to be afraid of grief, because it certainly is not afraid of me. I’m fascinated and at times equally still terrified of grief. But throughout all my experiences I have come to realize grief and I have almost become friends. I know that sounds strange….

In a sense grief has always been there for me. At times it has motivated me to have a deeper meaningful relationship with myself and those around me. Grief has guided me. It has challenged me. It has led me to a career as a therapist helping others down their grief paths. So, here’s my goal.

I want to help others understand grief and what it can look like. To realize grief can be something to learn from and not fear. My goal even during those times when it is completely terrifying would be to remember my words. You are not in it alone! You do not have to be quiet in your grief! You do not have to deny it. And you can embrace it and set yourself free from the fear of it.